hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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