sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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