Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
