hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
