Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just gift wrapped bread.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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