i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
