Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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