dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize