I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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