Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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