I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
