Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
