TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize