i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
