This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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