So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
