Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
