I want to stick my p in your. b.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
