It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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