Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
