I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
