We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
