it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
