we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
