I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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