My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
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