I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
