but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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