i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize