I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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