last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
