if you like me you must not know who I am
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
