Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
