He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
