I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
