Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
