I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
