he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
