I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
