i just wanna soil my oats bro
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
