I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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