I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
