Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
