It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Ketchup is God's man juice
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
