he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
