So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
