If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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