Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
