whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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