Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize