did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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