We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
