Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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