i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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