I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
