don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
