i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
