something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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