I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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