Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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