I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
