Who did Billy Mays play for?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
