I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
