Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
