my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
