Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
i think my cat just said my name.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
