I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
