youre lurking in front of me
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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