I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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