we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
