I saw his package. It spoke to me.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
