K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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