I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
