i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
