Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize