Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize