It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
