Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
