I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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