I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
