There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
