genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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