Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
