I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Randomize
