im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
