I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
